We All Fall Down
by roxypony
Summary: [Like toy soldiers] The noble princes of Vampire Mountain question their own judgement. Takes place during/after the cremations in book 6. Two-shot
1. Chapter 1

**Title: ****_We All Fall Down_**  
(part 1 of 2, possibly 3)  
**Genre:** Angst. So much angst.  
**Characters:** Mika Ver Leth. Mentions of Arra and Kurda.  
**Pairings:** hints at unrequited past Mika/Arra but nothing really  
**Warnings:** Mentions of character death, spoilers for book 6  
**Summary:** He wishes he could be at their funeral but he knows not strong enough. Mika contemplates as he sits alone guarding the Stone of Blood. Basically a whole lot of drabbley angsty nothing. Lyrics are property of _Toy Soldiers_ by Eminem

* * *

_Step by step, heart to heart, left right left / We all fall down like toy soldiers / Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win / But the battle wages on for toy soldiers..._

_I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure_ / _Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders_ / I_ ain't never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it_

* * *

Mika had never truly liked being alone in the Hall of Princes. He'd held the title long enough to be reasonably comfortable with the momentous task of safeguarding the stone while his brethren had business to attend to; but sitting solitary in the massive dome had the tendency to make one feel very small.

_You should be down there. _He berated himself internally, fists clenching and unclenching around the arms of his throne. _She'd be calling you a fool right now, hiding from your emotions up here. _

He loathed every fiber of himself for being too weak to attend the cremations; for staying up here in this silent stone hall while his clan provided a fitting funeral for the men who'd died fighting on his orders. And the fierce, beautiful woman who'd been one of the more important pieces of his life.

He hadn't absorbed Arra's death yet. Truth be told, he still had trouble believing that young Darren Shan had actually bounced back from the dead to come bursting in on the investiture with a purpose. Everything that happened after that was just a fuzzy downward spiral which ultimately ended in the dark prince having to decide how he was going to spend this particular hour of his life: standing in front of a sizeable part of his clan, struggling to remain stonefaced while watching Arra's body burn, or holed up in this frigid dome, able to hear nothing but the sound of Kurda's dying screams echoing back and forth through his mind.

He alone had been the one to let go of the rope on the first drop. He remembered it vividly, standing firm on the platform overlooking the pit of stakes. The traitor blindfolded and lying on his back, trembling but silent. Looking out over the crowd, seeing Larten Crepsley's face. In that moment something had passed between the two of them, and he felt Crepsley's burning desire to be standing up here holding that rope himself, reaping atonement for the slaughter of his old mate. The prince stared back at the ex-general, steely eyes telling him; _this is for her. _Crepsley's curt nod told Mika he understood. He still felt the rough tug as the rope left his hands, the eerie silence that only lasted half a second, and finally the agonized screams as the traitor reached the end of his drop. It had taken 4 drops in total before the screams stopped. Arrow and Paris had taken over for the next two, and Mika finished the job as he'd started it. He'd presided over dozens upon dozens of executions, yet this would be the one to haunt him for the rest of his life. Despite his annoying philosophical speech habits and his rejection of tradition, there were times he'd considered the blonde pacifist as something of a friend.

And then suddenly the world was upside down and he had to kill him.

Life was so random and ugly and strange and Mika just couldn't wrap his head around it. Not today. He felt nauseous over it all, one minute he felt nothing but overwhelming hurt at the thought of Arra, and relished the memory of sending Kurda to his death. The next minute he was inundated with memories of a simpler time, when he'd apprenticed alongside the pacifist, among others. Kurda had been the youngest of the group, ever the precocious one. In his first year of training he'd followed Mika about like a puppy, eager to learn despite his complete incompetence when combat was concerned. The years passed and he spent time training outside of Vampire Mountain. He left as a wayward boy but returned as a man, armed with frightening wit, fierce ambition, and set of opinions that he defended with his life. And somehow that had led to this.

_You didn't have to die, Smahlt._ the prince thought bitterly, aching in body and mind and ready to be done with all of this. He pressed his forehead into his palm and closed his eyes, surrendering to the images of dead Kurda, dead Arra, dead Gavner… dead everyone. _None of you did._

* * *

/ _Even if it means goin' toe to toe with these things you know it don't matter_ / _I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to_ / _I'm supposed to set an example..._

* * *

TBC

It's been a while, folks. Please drop a review.

rxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: ****_We All Fall Down_**  
(part 2 of 2)  
**Genre:** Angst. So much angst.  
**Characters:** Mika Ver Leth. Arrow. Paris Skyle. Mentions of Kurda.  
**Pairings:** Mika & Arrow's beautiful bromance as always  
**Warnings:** Mentions of character death, spoilers for book 6  
**Summary:** The princes question themselves and try to comfort each other during a trying time, but nobody really feels any better about the whole situation. Basically a whole lot of drabbley angsty nothing. Lyrics are property of _Toy Soldiers_ by Eminem. Part 2, this is the last one.

* * *

_I need to be the leader, my crew looks to me to guide 'em / If some shit ever does pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em / That shit I tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it / There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it_

* * *

He longed for his fellow princes to return and discharge him from this solitary vigil. He hadn't slept or eaten since before the start of the investiture. Even prior to the formalities rest had been hard to come by and he couldn't recall the last time he'd enjoyed a good day's sleep. Adrenaline had kept him going strong because he'd needed it to, but even the most formidable of vampires had to run out of strength sooner or later. He'd genuinely considered abandoning his post when the doors finally whooshed open and weary colleagues rejoined him. The exhaustion on their faces was clearly visible and Mika knew the past hour hadn't been any easier on them.

"It is done." Paris exhaled, taking a seat in his throne to Mika's left. "And I pray to the gods I do not live to see so many of my clan burning at once ever again."

"Sorry, Paris." Mika replied stiffly. "I should've gone in your place."

"Don't be foolish, young Ver Leth. You will see many more funerals before your life is over. Far too many." Paris murmured.

"They died fighting, like they wanted." Arrow sighed heavily. "And they were sent to Paradise honourably, like they wanted. But something feels wrong and I can't place it."

"You feel like it could have been prevented." Mika contributed dully, not taking his eyes off the floor. The silence that followed was the only confirmation he needed.

"What else could we have done?" Arrow eventually croaked. There was a hitch in his voice.

There was another long silence.

_What else _could _we have done?_

"I don't know." Mika whispered finally.

Both looked unconsciously to Paris. Somehow, he always had an answer, an explanation, or at least a word of inspiration. But the desolation in his ancient blue eyes shook Mika to the core and he knew in that moment their wise mentor felt just as lost as they did.

"My head hurts." Arrow mumbled, covering his eyes with a wide palm.

"Return to your cells and rest, my sons." said Paris gently but firmly. "I shall guard the dome for the remainder of the night. Everything will be alright when you awake."

All three of them knew nothing would be alright anytime soon, but nevertheless the younger princes did as they were told.

"I swear that old bat still sees us as cubs." Mika commented gruffly once they were out of the hall, with nothing but fondness for the elderly prince.

"He always will." Arrow snorted, hiding a thin smile.

A comfortable silence fell between the two as they made their way back to their chambers. Theirs was a brotherhood forged by years of bloodshed, sweat, tears, broken bones, and camaraderie. Never before had their been a more deadly duo upon the thrones of Vampire Mountain.

"We killed our friend yesterday." Mika noted abruptly, not liking the husky edge to his voice.

"It's not about friends or enemies." Arrow sighed. "It's about right and wrong and he betrayed us."

The tattooed prince's voice never wavered, but the confusion his eyes that suggested he was trying to convince himself rather than Mika.

"What Kurda did was wrong. Our sentencing was just." Arrow continued doggedly. "He brought Vampaneze into our mountain. He plotted to assassinate us! He lied, he schemed, he manipulated, he murdered, and he…" his voice finally broke. " …he _thought_ he was acting in the clan's best interests. And…it hurts me to admit it but he _was _our friend, once."

"_Was _our sentencing just?" Mika questioned.

"I don't know." Arrow gulped. His mouth opened and closed for a moment as he searched for something else to say but he gave up and whispered again; _"I don't know."_

"Arra's dead because of him. Gavner's dead. Vanez is blind." Mika mumbled, reaching out and running his hand over the rough stone wall, allowing himself to be momentarily distracted by the sharp sensation.

"That, I do know." Arrow replied darkly.

"I don't want any more blood shed over this. It has to end."

"It'll never end."

The pair meandered on, falling silent once again. They came to a halt at the door to Mika's cell.

"Sleep well, then." said Mika dully, opening the door.

"You as well. Remember what Paris said; everything will be better when we wake up." Arrow answered with a grim smile.

The dark prince nodded gruffly, and the two parted ways. Leaving all thoughts of death and treachery at the door, Mika made for his coffin. It had never felt so welcoming; he revelled in warmth and relief as he carefully pulled the lid down to encompass himself completely. In the few minutes it took for him to drift off into sweet slumber, he _was_ a cub again. Content, naive, and _almost_ innocent. He knew when he woke up there'd be turmoil and questions and anger and grief but could do nothing in this moment except resolve to take it as it came and deal with it like the noble leader he was. The next nights would test everything he had in him. But for the rest of this particular one, he would allow himself to be at peace.

* * *

_And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it / I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted / And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it / This ain't what I'm in this for, it's not why I got in it / That was never my object for someone to get killed / Why would I wanna destroy something I help build / It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good._

* * *

Done. I don't really know where I was planning on going with this. Please review.

rxx


End file.
